LOA & I-800

Yesterday we received our LOA (Letter of Acceptance) in the mail!  After we signed it, I was able to scan a copy to include in our I-800 application.  I mailed that this morning and it is guaranteed to arrive on Monday.  Christmas is going to cause a slight delay with that process, but it shouldn't be more than a week.  I can live with that.  We also have a ton of paperwork to sign & return to our agency before that gets approved.  The agency also gave us awesome news that we don't need to pay the $1,500 for escrow because they still have it from the last time.  In all of the expenses and the double-paying, it's such a relief to have 1 thing that we don't have to pay again!  The only thing we are needing to do for the paperwork is to notarize one of the forms.  (Ugh!!  I HATE notarizations because of the headaches that they were in Germany!)  We plan on getting that tomorrow and then mailing these documents either tomorrow or Saturday.  There isn't a rush on them, but I want to have them in the mail before Christmas so I don't have to worry about them.  Then we will be in a pleasant position of getting to relax and enjoy Christmas!!  (Well, relax as much as we can when the forecast is anything but reassuring!)  After we get back from visiting family over Christmas, we will work on submitting our visa applications to get that out of the way.  That is the last stressful part, IMO.  Booking flights is so full of excitement that the stress is overshadowed.  Beyond that, it's all adrenaline!  :-)  And this time I won't have to rush getting her a passport or worry about a German visa!  Yay for something else being easier!!

Application Submitted

Our LOI (Letter of Intent) and online application were submitted to the CCCWA today.  Next we wait for their approval and then we go from there.

We said yes!

After speaking with the pediatric ophthalmologist and the pediatrician, we have decided to accept the referral!  We are very excited!!  Now we need to repeat some paperwork.  Ugh....

3rd time's a charm??

About an hour and a half ago, I got another phone call!  This little girl will be 2 on Christmas.  Her only need is "congenital cataracts".  Everything else looks great!  It's funny...when we started this journey, we were trying to adopt a girl who was completely blind.  After that fell through, we sort of retracted and decided that a child with some vision would be a better fit.  This little girl only has light vision.  I really don't know why, but I'm a bit nervous about the possibility of her not regaining any other vision.  I wish China would remove cataracts early!  If they had done that when she went into care, her vision would be fine!  The information I found online was incredibly vague about her situation.  It basically assumed you would have the infant and could get them removed right away.  Well, for those of us without that option, there isn't really any information about what her prognosis might be.  Thanks for nothing, internet.  :-\

I have called 3 different eye clinics before finally finding one that knew enough about the condition to actually talk to me about it.  The other 2 just referred me elsewhere.  Fortunately, this clinic seems amazing and isn't too far from us.  The Dr. who would see her is going to call me back after clinics so I can get a better idea of what her prognosis might be.  This is the most important phone call, IMO.  The pediatrician is supposed to call me back sometime today too, but I don't have a time for that.  They only flag I see in her other medical report is that her growth seemed to take a step backwards between 12-18 months.  I doubt she really shrank 3 cm in 6 months though.  It's much more likely that the measurements are just wrong.  Everything else is, as our agency said, rather boring.  Boring is good!  Nothing to report is always a plus after our previous situation!  ;-)  We have until tomorrow evening to decide whether to pursue her or not.  In the meantime, I will be talking with the pediatric ophthalmologist, the pediatrician, & my husband.  Lots of talking.... I will keep you posted!  Fingers crossed!!!

Not the right timing....

Well, that was an emotional roller coaster!  Yesterday I was sure that this was our girl, but was waiting to hear back from the Dr. for sure.  After waiting a little more than I wanted (let's face it, that wasn't long!  lol!) I started researching her needs in greater detail because information is vital when making this sort of decision.  Turns out her "minor" need had a 20% chance of being a pretty big deal!  While that's a small chance, if she was in that percentile, she would be mentally retarded, have a 50% chance of developing tumors in her kidneys before the age of 6, and be unable to reproduce due to ovarian malformations.  This on top of her eye condition!!  That was a bit more than I was hoping to deal with!  I kept hoping the Dr. would call and reassure me that based on her behavior listed or picture or something that she would not be in this category.  Last night before bed, I still hadn't heard back and decided that looking up needs that she might not have was not the best idea, so I re-read her file in excruciating detail.  I became worried that her behavior might be a little autistic, but it might also be because she was abandoned at 18 months and she was just emotionally shut down.  It was so hard to tell!  Again, I was hoping the Dr. would reassure me.  This morning I was hoping for that elusive email, but it never came.  I had gotten myself so paranoid that something wasn't right but it was like grasping at straws to try to put my finger on it enough to be rational.  Finally, Dirk called our Dr. to see if he had looked at the file yet.  The receptionist said it had been a crazy couple of days so she would give him the message.  He told her that we were under a time limit and she said she would do her best.  Unfortunately, he was unable to call us before our time frame was up, so we had to decline her.  Even if I wasn't feeling uneasy, we wouldn't have been able to accept a referral without a doctor's review.  I thought I would feel relieved that we turned her down and it wasn't based on my irrational fears, and to some extent I did, but I did feel really sad.  I let myself get a little attached to her and it felt a little like May all over again.  A short time frame to decide, going without a doctor's input, a child on the line....very stressful!  I changed my mind many times, but ultimately we made the only decision we could.  I think it was God's timing that we were unable to get the doctor's opinion because he seems to usually have plenty of availability and then he suddenly gets crazy the days we need to make this decision....seems like God to me!  And really, I know that he would have said that everything looked great and we should go for it.  (Maybe not, of course, but I really am convinced that is what he would've said because it really did look great on paper!)  At this point, we just keep waiting for the next phone call.  Third time's a charm, right?

Approval & Phone Call Received!

I forgot to post, but we got our approval the other day.  I actually got it last week, but they forgot to update our fingerprint date so those looked expired.  Luckily, that was fixed with a simple phone call on my end!  It's always a great thing when dealing with a government office turns out to be simple!  :-)

Today I received another call from our agency!  They described a little girl that matched all of our criteria!  She was abandoned much later than most children, so that will make bonding & attachment WAY harder but it can be done.  I have forwarded her file to our doctor for him to review.  I am pretty confident that he will give the OK because there weren't any red flags that I could see.  I know I'm not a doctor (thus the review), but I do know that her reports seem to be pretty thorough and everything on them looks great.  It looks a bit like her needs were pretty minor so they were trying to come up with a more "significant" need to get her bumped up in priority.  I am still trying to be guarded, but I really think she might be the one for us!  We have until tomorrow to decide.

It's in the mail!

After a week long confusion over a Hague letter (and lots of emails and phone calls on my part) I finally received that letter via FedEx this morning!  I wasted very little time before mailing it along with both home studies and a copy of our RFE back to the USCIS.  Hopefully all goes well there and we get our extended approval in the mail soon.  (How soon is soon?  I wish I knew!)

In the meantime, I am just trying to be patient.  It feels like we might get matched for real any day and I am (surprisingly) eager to go back to China.  Trying to get our house in order is doing a pretty good job of keeping my mind off of things though.  ;-)

Referral?

Our pediatrician, who is intimately familiar with adoptions as God would have it, has reviewed our prospective referral's file.  He said that she looks great!  There was a part where the translation listed her heart rhythm as "illegible" and he wanted that cleared up, but other than that he said there were no concerns.  However, I just didn't have any peace.  There were quite a few "small" things that bothered me.  One is that her weight was insanely low when they found her.  3 kg, so 6.6 pounds, when they found her.  They estimated that she was already 8 months old!  Can you imagine?!  I just can't wrap my mind around that and there's a mental block preventing me from trying too hard to imagine what she must have looked like at that time!  The other is that her nose and mouth just don't "look" right to me.  I know that sounds shallow.  But, after having a hidden mental illness last time, I guess I am extra sensitive to the possibility of mental problems.  There are 5 pictures of her face and every one makes me think that she just "looks" like she likely has some sort of retardation.  (Also I've always been super sensitive to people who can't close their mouths and she doesn't have her mouth closed in a single picture, so I'm sure that doesn't help)  The biggest problem though is that she is a Hep. B carrier.  We did not have that in our list of acceptable needs.  I talked with the doctor at length about this and he assured me that her numbers weren't too bad.  He said that it looked like her mom had Hep B and so that's how this girl had it in her system, but he saw no evidence that this little girl had actually ever had the disease herself and that she, in fact, likely never could because her antibody levels were so high.  (CRAZY high!!)  While I was talking with him, I didn't even think to ask how this would potentially impact our family or her as a wife and potential mother.  I was just concerned with those numbers and whether the disease could ever come out of dormancy in her.  After researching online, though, it looks like something we aren't really prepared to handle.  It would mean additional vaccines for all of us (and our kids just got a ton to meet US standards) and we would have to tread carefully around any of her blood, saliva, and even tears!  Blood I could handle, saliva maybe, but tears?!  Yikes!!  Then there's the high possibility of her infecting her husband and passing it to children (or at least making them carriers as well).  That's just too much for us.  I called our agency and told them that she is a Hep B carrier and our agent freaked out.  She couldn't believe she had missed that and apologized.  She agreed that our family couldn't handle that and she had no problems with us turning her down.  She was confident that there was another family out there for her and is committed to searching for the right child for us.  So, here we are.  Still waiting for our daughter to cross our paths.  I have a feeling it won't be long now!  :-)

New Journey!

So much has happened since I last updated!  The last 5 months have been an emotional roller-coaster unlike anything I could have prepared for.  Still, we have survived it.  Has it made us stronger?  Maybe.  Was it worth it?  Nope.  But, I'm not in control and that has never been clearer than it is now, so I guess that's a good take home lesson.  I will give a condensed update to bring you up to speed with where we are now.  (And, yes, there's a reason why I suddenly chose to update this today...)

-We moved back to the states and are expats no more!  Central IA isn't quite as exotic or exciting as Germany, but it is good.  The kids love their school, our neighborhood is fantastic, and more importantly, family is MUCH closer!!  We are maybe 70% settled into our new house and that frustrates me, but it's a work in progress and I do make some progress every day (even if it isn't noticeable progress).

-Because of the move, we needed to update our home study.  We needed to extend our USCIS approval anyways, so that update is free for the government to review.  (Perhaps the only instance of timing being in our favor!)  I found an amazing agency nearby that could do a home study update for less than half the price of a new home study!  (Everyone else wanted to charge the same amount)  Yay!!

-In getting ready to write up the update, our social worker noticed that our old home study had actually expired in March!!  Yikes!!!  Travelling to China with an expired home study is a major no-no, but we honestly had no idea it had expired!  Unfortunately, that meant she would have to do a complete home study, which meant more paperwork, more time, and more money.  She worked with us and we were caught up in no time!  She drops it off tomorrow evening and we can mail it in to USCIS on Thursday ahead of schedule!
-As a birthday surprise, I saw LuZao get listed again with a new agency.  She was even wearing the dress that we sent her, the same dress she was wearing on our Gotcha Day!  Her hair was in 2 pigtails with the same holders she had when we first laid eyes on her.  She looked exactly the same as I remember her looking!  This was bittersweet.  The sweet part is that I know she must be doing much better to be eligible for adoption again!  (Clearly, she made it out of the hospital!!)  The bitter part is that her special need was still listed as "cortical blindness" and there was NO mention of any mental health problems!  I immediately contacted the agency she is listed with and told them everything I could about her, sent a short video, shared pictures.  I don't want to scare a family away, but I do want them to be prepared so that history doesn't repeat itself!  The agency apparently did receive an update from her orphanage a few days later (possibly on account of me getting a ton of people involved but I don't know) and they added the diagnosis of "autism" to her file.  I am now satisfied that 1) her family will be properly informed and 2) we now know her official diagnosis so we can have peace that we did make the right decision.

-Now for the reason I am posting this today, exactly 5 months after our first "Gotcha Day".  I received a phone call from my agency today.  (You know what that means, right?!)  They just received 2 referrals from a newer partner orphanage and she said that one of them just might be our one.  Yay!!  I won't give any details until we have had a chance to have her file reviewed by a doctor and until we have decided one way or another, but I am cautiously optimistic.  :-)

Our trip...

Well, we are back from China.  (I'm done with the secrecy.  Other people don't bother maintaining it despite them saying we should and at this point, I'm too broken to care anymore.)  The trip started out well.  We met the other 4 families in our travel group and they were all amazing!  We had a few days in Beijing doing tourist stuff like shopping for jade & silk and, of course, conquering the Great Wall!  (That is so much harder than it looks, btw!)  I quickly learned I needed to carry TP in my purse because none of the public restrooms had any.  I was glad for my hand sanitizer, because soap was also scarce.  #Thingstheydonttellyou.  After a few days in Beijing adjusting to the time and culture, we all split up and went to our local cities.

Our daughter was already waiting for us when we got to our hotel.  That was a strange feeling to finally see the person you have been pining over for years!  She was NOT in a good mood!  3 people from her orphanage brought her (including the driver) and she pretty much hated one of them.  This lady was relentlessly annoying her!  Our local guide was translating for us and apparently, this lady kept telling our daughter not to jump because nobody would love her if she did.  (Later on, she actually took our daughter's hand and used it to hit our daughter's face and then wondered why our daughter didn't like it!)  So, I went over to meet our daughter and she went back and forth between hitting me and leaning back & laughing as I tipped her upside down.  We thought she might be overwhelmed by all of the sounds in the large marble foyer, so we moved to a smaller, quieter hallway and she calmed down a bit while we asked for important words in her local dialect.  When Dirk held her, she immediately took to him!  I guess she likes guys more.  Once we ran out of questions, we went up to our room to get settled.  She calmed down as we held her and played with her.  After a while of that, she got off the bed and began exploring the room, which was amazing to watch!  She was completely blind and didn't even seem to notice lights, except for the camera flash on rare occasions.  She expertly tracked her way around the perimeter of the room and investigated everything she found along the way.  Her feet were incredibly agile at picking up and feeling anything she might find with them.  Very cool!  That first day was pretty good.  She didn't hit much once we came to our room, so over-stimulation was blamed.  She took a while going to sleep that evening, but once asleep she didn't stir until morning.  (Though she did wet the bed.  The next day we bought diapers for nighttime use!)

The next couple of days were pretty mild.  She loved to be held and carried, but would also walk holding our hands.  In the room, she was more comfortable walking on her own because she had already learned where things were.  We saw a lot of the tourist things in the local town, such as a large pagoda by the river that is supposedly famous because of a classic poem.  While we did these things, she was great!  She didn't have a big appetite and would just pick 1-2 things to eat each meal, but they evolved.  For example: the first breakfast was bacon & banana, the next breakfast was banana & hashbrown, then just hashbrown.  The orphanage workers has told us we would need to feed her, but she seemed to prefer to feed herself though we still fed her a bit.  She seemed to get a little bored when we stayed in our room for a while, but she loved to be tickled, thrown in the air, & flipped upside down.

Then we took a day to visit her orphanage.  Well, we didn't actually go inside because they wanted us to pay them $500 for "permission".  No thanks!  I've seen pictures online and it isn't impressive.  We did go to the gate where she was supposedly found and took a family picture there.  We also went to the main market street for lunch.  I finally had to conquer my fear of "squatty potties" there because there was no alternative.  (A proud moment, let me tell you!)  She ate very well for lunch, probably because the tastes & smells were similar to what she was used to.  The owner of the little restaurant came up and wanted to hold her.  She was reluctant to go to him but once she did, she supposedly asked him for a hug.  :-(  She never asked us for hugs.  On the way to the hotel, she took a nap on my lap.  (No laws in China, so babies just sit in laps.  We were lucky to at least have seat belts that day!)  That evening, as we were getting her ready for bed, we had our first problem.  Something about the sink seemed to set her off and she screamed, cried, & hit at us for 2 hours before falling asleep from exhaustion!  She was screaming for her "Ye-Ye" (Grandpa) and was shouting in Chinese that "Baby is here!!"  (Children are called babies in China)  That was a rough night.  We attributed it to the difficulties of hearing, smelling, & tasting everything that had been familiar to her and not being able to understand why they had been taken away again.

The following day, she didn't wake up.  We finally woke her up at about 9:40 so that we would have time to get breakfast before they closed at 10.  She was in no better mood.  She cried all through breakfast and wouldn't eat anything, though she did drink 2 glasses of apple juice.  Once we had scarfed down a bit of food, we came back to the room so she could calm down again.  She pretty much passed out on the bed and just slept on & off until about 2:30pm.  I thought she must be depressed.  Finally, we called the local guide to see how much mourning we should let her do and whether we needed to try to get her to do something so she didn't sulk the whole day away.  She came over right away and tried to feed her something for lunch, which made her upset all over again.  The guide was very concerned about her not eating.  By the time dinner came, our guide was determined to get food in her somehow.  We went to the restaurant and she got some rice.  I had to hold our daughter's arms (and she is STRONG!) and Dirk held her head while our guide crammed rice into her mouth.  She HATED it!!!  She ate whatever was in her mouth, but every bite was difficult and I was nearly in tears because I don't believe in forcing food, ever!  She was in no danger of starving and, if she was, rice isn't exactly nutrient-rich.  Finally I got her out of the chair because I couldn't handle force-feeding her anymore.  She calmed down almost instantly and laid her head on my shoulder.  Our guide then told us that she suspected our daughter had some serious mental problems.  That is something that NOTHING can prepare you for!  She had called our agency guide, who was in Guangzhou with other families, and he suggested we get a brain scan.  She told us that a brain scan would show nothing, but that our daughter's behavior is not normal and we needed to consider giving her back.  Daggers in my heart.  No way, I thought!  I could never do such a thing!  If our daughter was more handicapped that we thought, it wouldn't matter because she could still feel love, I reasoned!  She left us to think it over, explaining that we would need to know by 7:30 the following morning so that we would have enough time to get to a doctor and get the letter that would allow us to terminate the adoption before our flights that same evening.  We had less than 12 hours to decide our daughter's fate (as well as our family's!) and we needed to pack & sleep still.

When we got back to the room, we first focused on getting our daughter into bed.  While we got her ready for bed, we considered her symptoms and I suspected autism.  I even called my step-mom who works with mentally disabled kids and talked things over with her.  Once she was asleep, we began our long, painful discussions.  At first, I wouldn't even consider leaving her because I would consider myself no better than her biological mom who abandoned her and I knew I could never live with that decision.  Dirk argued for our family.  He knew that if we brought her home, I would have no time for our other 3 children and that wouldn't be good or fair to them.  I would find a way to make it work, somehow.  I just had to!  Hours pass and we emailed pleas for prayers from friends & family.  Some responses were less than helpful, but most sympathized and were very supportive.  That helped since we didn't feel so alone in this decision.  We got a call from a worker at our agency and she apologized profusely for this situation.  Apparently, this is only the 3rd or 4th time this agency has had this happen in over 10 years.  She played devil's advocate and gave us some new perspectives on the situation and then let us talk about it some more.  Eventually, we came to the agreement to leave her there.  Dirk was still coming at it from the perspective of our family.  I was coming at it solely from her perspective.  She really missed her Ye-Ye and seeing how happy she was in her local town, I couldn't bare to take that away from her.  She might eventually get over it and be able to adjust to a new life, but she might not.  She might never be able to get past that loss.  And, if she isn't good with change, we are not the family for her right now!  If we had adopted her, she would have come with me to the US for 10 days, then back to Germany for a few months, then a permanent move BACK to the US.  That was going to be difficult enough for a completely healthy mind, but I don't think hers could handle that.  So, after making our decision, we went to bed for a few hours of restless sleep.

The next day was, by far, the hardest day of our lives!  In short, we took her to the children's hospital in that city.  (In short, LONG lines, TONS of people crowding for their turn, a boy peeing in the middle of the floor on purpose, etc.)  The doctor said she had severe mental problems.  I asked about autism and she said it was likely more than autism.  (I interpreted this as autism and something else.  Dirk interpreted this as something worse than autism, but not actually autism.  Either way....Bad news!)  We got the required note, then went to the office to terminate the adoption.  The worse part was that this entire time, our daughter was just calmly being held. She even wrapped an arm tightly around my neck at one point like a half-hug.  It made giving her up that much more painful.  Once the paper was signed, we went back to the hotel to wait.  The orphanage workers came around noon.  This time, a different lady came so I didn't have to worry about that nasty lady anymore.  This lady gave me a hug and they told us many times how sorry they were.  Sobs.  :-(  As for our daughter, she went to the main orphanage director pretty easily, but did hit him once or twice.  (Aside from that first day and the huge fit, she had not hit us anymore)  She didn't cry or seem upset.  To her, we were just 2 people who she spent a few days with.  Nothing more.  That hurt.

Dirk already had a ticket home because he was planning to come home that night anyways.  I wanted to get home ASAP because there was no longer a reason to be in China.  For me to leave from that city either that same night or the next would have been $4,500!  No thanks!  So, I used my scheduled flight to get to Guangzhou and our agency guide called travel agencies and managed to find a flight from there the next morning for only around $850.  Much better!  That evening I didn't want to see any of the other families because I thought seeing them with their children would be too much.  But, one of the families found me anyways.  That ended up being a great thing!  We talked for hours and they encouraged me and helped take me mind off of the situation, even if only for a little while.  I went to sleep around 1:30 am and needed to catch a van at 6.  I set my phone alarm for 5, or so I thought.  It went off at 4, but I didn't notice it until I was completely ready and as awake as I was going to get.  The flight home was long and depressing, but I made it.  I was excited to see my kids again!!  They were already in bed when I got home, so I had to wait to see them.  The next morning, I was hoping for them to be excited that I was home, but they acted as if I had never left.  That was sad too.  To top everything off, our youngest won't give me hugs & kisses anymore!!  Those were the best!  :-(  I hope he will forgive me for leaving soon and that we can do hugs & kisses again soon because that is breaking my heart too!

Every day Dirk & I wonder if we made the right choice.  SO many people are telling us we did and nobody has told us that we didn't, but it still doesn't feel right.  You may notice, I always refer to her as our daughter, despite the fact that we left her in China.  That is because she still feels like our daughter.  Our leaving her doesn't feel permanent.  I have emailed our agency to see if they can get her a proper medical exam and let us know what her needs really are.  I am hoping that after reviewing those, we can prepare for them properly and then return to bring her home for real.  Perhaps that's unrealistic.  Perhaps we will get the report and there will be no way for us to take care of her needs.  In that case, at least we will have peace about our decision.  So, that's where we are now.

One more week!!

We fly to Crescent Moon in just 1 week from today!  I am beyond excited!!!  I am already packed and have Z's things packed as well!  I keep adding things as I think of them, but if we were to leave right now I would have plenty of stuff.  And, there are Wal-Mart's there so I can always buy more if I do manage to forget anything.  (Side note:  I am more excited about Wal-Mart than you can imagine because Germany doesn't have them.  It isn't the prices I miss, but the constant availability.  Here if you want sandals, for example, you have to buy them during a 3-week window or you are SOL.  That sucks!  Especially for impulse shoppers like me.  I have become a hoarder because I am afraid I might not be able to get X again if I don't buy it RIGHT NOW!  And, often times, it's true. /side note)  D still hasn't packed, but he claims to be able to do so in 30 minutes flat.  We shall see!  ;-)  Actually, he will only be there for a little over a week, so it won't be so hard for him.  I will be away from home for 3 1/2 weeks, so I need a bit more than he does!  Thank goodness I am as low-maintenance as they come otherwise I would have too much luggage to handle!  As it is, for 3 1/2 weeks, I packed all of my stuff & Z's stuff into 1 large suitcase!  I weighed it the other day and my scale said it was 31.8 pounds!  YES!!!  And that is including a heavy book I am packing for a friend of the family to off-set some books I know I will be bringing back home with us.

The only "worry" we have is getting enough cash (in good $100 bills, of course).  We live in Euro-zone, so getting US cash is anything but easy.  Especially when it's such a large quantity!  D is handling that because he can stay calm easier than I can about stuff like that.  ;-)  I also got an email late last night that we need to watch a 40 minutes video on "bonding & attachment" and have a teleconference with someone at our agency before we leave.  Nothing like last minute!!  D thinks it's not a big deal, but I am freaking out because I feel like this week is already jam-packed with stress and activities and trying to find time to do that just isn't ranking high on my priority list.  If it were up to me, I would watch the video and then email and say that we watched it but we just don't have time in our schedule for a teleconference.  If it was important to them, they should have given us more advance notice than 1 week!  But, I'm sure D will win this one....

I guess I forgot to mention, I took all 3 kids to the Embassy last Thursday (DJ's birthday) to pick up our visas! (D was on a work trip or I would've gone alone)  They were not cheap little things, but compared to everything else we have paid, they are not much.  DJ & L were a bit crazy on the drive to the embassy, which is sad because I was planning to take them to the dinosaur museum in Frankfurt for DJ's birthday if they behaved.  Then I said that maybe instead we could have ice cream after I got the visas, IF they were good in the embassy.  Nope.  :-(  The passport photo machine and the spinning glass doors were just too much for them to handle.  Instead we came home and DJ wanted BK for dinner, so we got it to go.  Ah well....

Visa application

This morning, D & I had an appointment in Frankfurt to apply for our visa to enter Crescent Moon.  We made this appointment late last week and I remembered as we were going to bed last night, so it was a bit more stressful than it could have been.  Luckily, I had made sure to have all of our documents completed and ready to go in 1 envelope, so all we had to do was grab it and go!  (Yay for being prepared!!)  The stressful part was that the appointment was at 9:30 and, while Google said it was an hour and 15 minute drive, we ALWAYS hit a Stau (massive delay, usually stop & go for longer than you care to remember) going to Frankfurt.  We took L to Kindergarten at 7:30, which was when I thought they opened.  I forgot they started opening at 7, but we usually never get there before 8 so it never mattered before.  I dropped her off and quickly told the teachers that N would have to come with us because there was NO way we would make it back by 11, when they demand I pick him up.  L could stay until 12, though, so I told them she would be today.  After that we dropped DJ off at his school and headed out of town.  The GPS said we would arrive at 8:49 for our 9:30 appointment.  D even commented that we might have left a bit too early.  Ha!  4 Stau's later.... (A new record for us, I might add!) We found the building at about 9:35, but there was a long, SLOW line, so I didn't get our number until 9:50!  (Apparently, making appointments doesn't actually mean anything because the line was full of people without and they didn't even care that I had one)  Eventually our number was called and we were able to submit our applications.  They should be ready by Thursday, which was even sooner than I was expecting!  The way home wasn't entirely smooth either as we hit another small Stau.  We got back to town, I dropped D off at work, then rushed to get L & DJ from school.  L was nearly in tears as she does when I am there too close to 12 & DJ was waiting outside of the school where I told him to wait in case I was late.  (Good thing I said that because he sometimes tries to walk home and I'm not quite ready for that yet...)  So we had a rather stressful morning, but it was another major step that we needed to do.

Then, this afternoon I dropped off several documents that we need notarized.  3 are for our adoption and we also made our wills and need those notarized.  We aren't planning on dying anytime soon, but figured it was better to be prepared so our kids would be provided for in the unlikely chance that something does happen to us while we are away from them during the adoption.  Ah, the joys of being a grown-up....

A Precious Dream

I don't have much time to post because I need to leave in a few minutes for an appointment, but I just couldn't wait until I had more time.  Last night I dreamt about the time when it will be just Z & me travelling to America to visit family, get her passport, and have her eyes checked.  Truthfully, this part of the process has scared me because I don't know how she will react to anything and I don't know how she will handle the stress that she will undoubtedly be going through.  I have been trying to stay practical and a bit detached about how that "week" will really be.  Then I had a dream... It was SO comforting!!  She was very sweet and kind and gentle and oh-so-patient!  She didn't know any English, yet she trusted me.  Apparently, her foster family or the orphanage had tried to teach her some English, but it wasn't great.  The 1 thing she "knew" in English was to say "I love you", which she said to me often.  Her pronunciation was certainly terrible as learning it from someone who also knew no English, but it still melted my heart in a way I never thought possible.  I already love this girl as my own daughter, but "hearing" her say she loved me just made it that much stronger.  Waiting to meet her is now the most "scary" part of the process because it is that much harder now.  And I certainly won't be disappointed if this dream doesn't come true literally.  Heck, N is 3 and he still doesn't say he loves me, but I know he does.  It's one of our favorite games actually!  Every time I tell him I love him, he kisses me then shakes his head "nuh-uh" with an adorable smile.  Love it!!  

Speaking of thinking practically, I made an appointment last night for Z to see a pediatric ophthalmologist at the U of I Chicago.  They said to expect the appointment to take around 2 hours!  Yikes!!  Then, there's a chance that after that, they will refer us to neuro-ophthalmology, possibly on the same day.  I hope she's awake enough to be able to tolerate that well.  :-\

Flights Booked, Appointments Made!

I have been so busy thinking about everything I still need to do that I have forgotten to blog about it.  We have booked our flights for our trip.  D will be going for a little over a week and then flying back home to be able to save vacation time and help out with the kids.  (His step-mother is flying over to watch the kids for us, which is a HUGE relief for us!!)  By the time everything is said and done, I am going to be sick of airplanes!  In addition to 14 hour flight to Crescent Moon, Z and I will be flying to the states for 15 hours and then back to Germany for 9 and that doesn't even include all of our "local" travel inside of Crescent Moon!!  The most frustrating thing for me was the lack of direct flights this time around.  We paid quite a bit more to get a direct flight from Crescent Moon to the states, but the only other option was an overnight layover in India.  No thanks!!  Apparently, there were NO direct flights from the US to Germany, which there used to be an abundance of, so I'm not sure what changed but the only good part about that is that our layover is in Dublin, so I can "visit" Ireland, unofficially.  The flights were both more expensive and less expensive than I thought.  Most of the individual flights were pretty reasonable, but when put together they were quite a lot more than I was anticipating.  I think needing the direct flight really hurt our budget there.

In other news, we have an appointment to apply for our visas on Monday at 9:30, so that's exciting!  Of course, it means I don't have much time to get the rest of the information for the application.  I swear the details required just to apply have blown my mind time and time again!  We have to have booked flights, booked hotels, health insurance information, and complete contact information of the "inviting party" and an in-country contact.  This is in addition to the obvious passport information, birthdates, etc.  It feels a bit like the Spanish inquisition or being interrogated by Scotland Yard!  I am hoping that the plus side is that applying will be a matter of handing them the forms and coming back on the day they say they will be ready.

Besides all of that, I still need to make lists for D's step-mom so she knows the daily routine and anything else she might need to know.  I need to mail some more forms to our agency.  We need to finish our wills and have them notarized along with a few other adoption-related forms that need notarized now.  I would love to start packing, but I know it's still a bit early for that.  (My brain is wanting to plan backwards, so it's hard not to just let myself do it and check it off the list)  I need to make appointments in the states for Z to have her vision checked and get her passport.  I actually tried to do the latter already, but they said I can't make that appointment until May 13th, so I will have to do it from Crescent Moon.  Hopefully I can just make it online.  And, don't tell anyone, but I filled out that application with blue ink and it said I was supposed to use black!  ;-)  I also need to come up with an itinerary for our family's vacation in July because come May, I won't have any time to do that.  But all of that has to wait because DJ's birthday party is this Saturday and the house is still not clean enough and I need to make sure I have plenty of food.  *sigh*

Travel Dates!!

We finally got confirmation from the embassy for our visa appointments!  I was hoping to get word this soon, but not quite expecting it at the same time.  At first I was worried that we might be travelling too soon and that it might interfere with DJ's birthday party, but luckily it all works out.  Since the agency is closed for Easter weekend, emails have been sparse, which has been very hard for me.  I'm extremely grateful that our agency is still emailing us, but I think I might have preferred them wait until Monday so I could have just called and gotten all of my answers at once.  Anyways, the important information that I do have is that our group is leaving on May 1st!  Yay!!  Now the hard part....waiting until Monday evening to call and talk details!  ;-)

Visa updates

I got an email Friday morning and was going to post about it, but personal stuff came up and I am just now sitting down to update.  The situation was actually just resolved an hour ago.  So, lucky you, you get to skip the suspense of waiting all weekend like I had to!  Here's the run-down of what has happened:

On Thursday, I received a form email from the US Embassy letting us know that they have finished processing our Article 5.  (This is the day after our agency informed me that it had been picked up, so yay for prompt agency communication!)  The email then explained at length what happens next.  (In a nutshell, Article 5 goes to headquarters, they issue TA, agency makes Embassy appointments, we travel on those dates)  The email was to try to explain that we needed to give our agency 5 "preferred" dates and they would try to honor those, but couldn't guarantee, etc.  Also, it mentioned to please make sure we have at least 48 hours after our appointment before our departing flight just in case of any delays.  Things I'm sure our agency will explain to us as well.  All in all, not a necessary email, but helpful in reading about the details that are going on behind the scenes.  (I am SO glad our agency will make the appointment for us!!)  At the end, it had a link to the embassy's website.  I went ahead and poked around there because I thought, why not.  They had a FAQ's page, including a special section just for expats!  For the first time, I feel we are trodding familiar ground!  However, one of the questions had me very worried:

"2. What type of U.S. visa should I pursue for my adopted child?If adopting parents currently live outside of the United States, their child may not automatically acquire U.S. citizenship upon arrival in the United States. For more information on the Child Citizenship Act of 2000, please see the Department of State’s website for intercountry adoption.Children adopted by U.S. citizens who currently reside overseas and who intend to continue residing overseas may apply for a nonimmigrant visa upon receipt of an approved U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service (USCIS) appointment for expeditious naturalization.  Information on filing an N-600K to obtain this approval is available at USCIS’s website. U.S. citizens currently residing overseas, and who intend to take up residence in the United States. upon their adopted child’s entry to the United States, should apply for an immigrant visa.   Please note than an immigrant visa application does require a U.S.-based address."

I immediately emailed our agency and asked if they knew anything about this.  I got a reply pretty quickly saying that they weren't sure, but we were marked for an "immigrant visa", which is what took an extra 2 days getting our Article 5.  An immigrant visa is what we want so that Z can gain immediate citizenship and get her passport right away.  

Then, the next day (Friday), I received an email from our case officer at the embassy saying that we would be getting a non-immigrant visa and explaining the process of filing the N-600K to obtain citizenship.  Basically, this would involve needing to wait for a certificate of citizenship, which I have heard takes 6-8 weeks before we could get her a passport.  That waiting would be in the states away from my current children and husband.  I do NOT want to be away from home that long!  I immediately called and explained our situation.  She said that we might be able to switch to an immigrant visa based on the length of time that we have left (less than 6 months by the time we adopt), but that she wasn't sure what the process of switching was.  She thought we might have to re-submit forms or submit new forms altogether.  This may add time and/or cost, but she wasn't sure.  Of course, we could still stay with the non-immigrant visa if it would be too much of a hassle.  She would look into it and email me back by Monday at the latest.  I am SO glad I called!  She was so kind and understanding and genuinely wanted to help, regardless of how much additional work it meant for her.  That would be a first for me when dealing with a government agency!!  It's been 3 days since I talked to her and I am STILL impressed!!  :-)

Well, so all of that build-up and here it is, Monday.  She was true to her word and emailed me an answer.  After contacting NBC (National Benefits Center, not the TV station) about our situation, they determined that they will be able to adjust Z's visa to an immigrant (IH3) visa at the embassy with NO additional action needed on our part!  None!  No paperwork, no costs, no delays!!!  I cannot tell you how excited I am!!  In my eyes, this is just 1 more miracle in this process.  A government agency working extra to help someone out and not requiring more jumping through hoops?  That just doesn't happen! 

Ready

The last time I blogged, I was freaking out about how soon we might be travelling and I didn't think I was ready yet.  Well, I have since made a complete 180.  On Thursday of last week, I was driving to pick up L & N from Kindergarten and it hit me.  I knew our Article 5 was going to be picked up on the 12th.  Suddenly, I really wanted it to be picked up sooner so we could travel sooner.  Since then, I have been secretly hoping for an email saying that he picked it up early because he just happened to swing by and they had it, or something along those lines.  That hasn't happened.  Then this morning when I woke up, I was SO excited and I was thinking about what time it was in Crescent Moon and how he might already be picking it up and sending it to the headquarters so they could issue our Travel Approval!  Then, I saw the calendar and realized that today is only the 11th.  :-(  I'm glad that I'm finally excited to go, but I wish I didn't have another month of waiting!

In case I wasn't excited enough, my sister also had a dream about Z last week!  In her words, "She was do sweet and just knew English she was telling me how she couldn't see but the one thing she could was gods face and she was so loving hugging everyone it was so awesome:)"  

As for our visa, the embassy has recently outsourced visas to another office!!  I can't tell you how happy I am to know this!  I called them and we will have to wait until we have booked our flights & hotel because they won't even consider the application without that in hand.  It seems a bit risky, but at this point that seems trivial.  So, hopefully we can get our dates soon and start working on that.

I spent more time than I care to think about on the phone (international long distance at that!) the other day calling various places to try to get some answers about getting Z's passport.  Everyone basically confirmed what I had already guessed.  We will need to apply in person to the agency in Chicago and will hopefully be able to get it the same day (or at least 2-3 days).  It will cost a lot, but we already knew that was going to be the case.  The things I did learn and I am SO grateful that I learned are that I need a form filled out by D and notarized stating why he can't be there in person and that he gives permission for me to get Z's passport myself.  (That would have been a last minute round-trip plane ticket mistake!)  I also need to have a return trip to Germany already booked within 14 days or they won't consider us either.  I wasn't sure whether I wanted to risk booking the return flight before I had the passport in hand, but now I know I need to and can do it earlier to save a bit of money.  So, I would say the hours I spent on the phone (and whatever the subsequent bill will be) was time & money well spent.

Waiting

I called our agency the other night mainly to try to figure out how long it will take me to get Z's US passport so we can come back to Germany ASAP.  I need to call or email Immigration to figure that out.  Ugh!  I hate relying on them because the last time I did that we had our fingerprint fiasco where the rep I saw in person didn't care what I was told over the phone.  I think I will email this time so I can print it out and bring it with me as "proof".  Fun times....

While I had our agency on the phone, I asked about projected timeline.  Our NVC letter is in Crescent Moon now.  Our Article 5 letter will be picked up on the 12th and taken to the main center for adoption.  Once they receive that letter, they will issue our TA in 2-3 weeks.  Our agency said that things have been moving very quickly lately, so it may be even quicker than that.  Crescent Moon will send the TA to our agency and they will schedule appointments with the consulate in Crescent Moon and let us know when to buy our tickets.  We will be travelling with a group and it sounds like we don't have any say over when we go since it's up to the groups' TA's and when we can get appointments.  She said we could travel as early as April 17, but it could also be in the next few weeks after that.  I am freaking out about that!  On one hand, I want to travel and get Z as soon as possible, but on the other hand, this has been so far in the future for so long that it seems strange to have it finally be close.  And DJ's birthday is on April 18th and I was planning on having his party on the 20th.  It's close enough that it might be ok to risk it but if we have to leave and miss his party, that would be the worst thing I can imagine.  As it is, I'll probably just have the party the weekend before just to be on the safe side even though it's a bit further from his actual birthday.  I really hope we don't have to miss his actual birthday, but that seems pretty unlikely.

We need to try to get our visas approved before that, but I'm not sure how doable that will be since we don't have details yet.  The website for our Crescent Moon embassy says that part of what we need to bring when we submit our application are flight & hotel reservations, which we obviously won't have for a while.  I am hoping they can be lenient on this point, but we are in Germany so that would take another miracle.  Before we waste a morning travelling to Frankfurt only to be told no, I will try to call the embassy to see what they say.  Hopefully the visa department is better at answering the phone than the authentication department, because they NEVER answered!  We'll see....

I800 Provisional Approval

Well, not to do things in order, I just received our provisional approval in the mail.  This is the form that yesterday's letter was notifying me was sent to Crescent Moon.  But, I still needed to send a copy to our agency so they can have it.  Done!  I am eagerly awaiting a response from them about our projected timeline.  It's my understanding that at this point, they should be able to give us a fairly accurate idea of when we will be able to travel.  :-)  As always, I will keep you posted!

-V

NVC Letter

Today I got an email from the NVC saying they have received our I800 approval and have forwarded it to the embassy in Crescent Moon for processing!  We're in the home stretch!!  I'm starting to get a bit nervous because now it feels really close, almost too close!  From what I understand, Crescent Moon will now determine that Z is eligible for a visa and will double-check that all requirements to adopt have been met.  Once they do that, they issue an "Article 5" which basically states that everything meets the criteria to adopt under the Hague convention.  That letter gets sent to Beijing and they issue our TA (Travel Approval) from there!  So it won't be long now!!  Maybe 6 weeks or so?  (I'm guessing here...)  Getting excited!!!

Last week, D & I got up-to-date on our vaccines.  We needed Hep B boosters, but went ahead and did A too since they could be combined.  We also got Diphtheria  Tetanus, and Polio since those are also recommended.  I saw online that the CDC recommends Typhoid and Japanese Encephalitis as well, but our Dr. didn't think those were necessary.  Our arms were sore for several days after, but no other side effects.  Glad to know we won't have to worry as much about getting sick!  We will still avoid the water, but that shouldn't be too hard for 2 weeks.  Now I really need to look into the process of getting Z's US passport so we can get back to Germany relatively quickly.

-V

I800 Acceptance!

We are another half-step closer on our journey!  Last week I mailed our I800 application via UPS and it was signed for on Thursday around 12:43.  I just received the email confirmation that it's moving on.  :-)

"Dear Applicant/Petitioner:

Your USCIS application/petition has been received and routed to the National Benefit Center for processing. Within 7 - 10 days by standard mail you will receive your official Receipt Notice (Form I-797) with your Receipt Number SIM#####"

Of course I don't expect the "7-10 days" estimate to be accurate, but it is great to know that it's already on its way!  And occasionally I am pleasantly surprised with the speed of our mail.  Maybe this will be one of those times!  *crosses fingers*  Although, I don't think it really matters when it gets here.  From what I understand (and this could be wrong, because this is the gray area I know little about), it is for my records and I need to bring it with us when we travel to Crescent Moon, but there's nothing I do with it immediately.  The USCIS agent/officer will forward the approval to the "NVC" who will cable a copy to Crescent Moon.  Once they have done this, the NVC will send us a letter saying they have done so.  That letter gets sent to our agency ASAP for forwarding to the US Consulate in Crescent Moon.  Then we wait for our "Article 5" which is Z's pre-approval for a visa.  Once we get that, it gets sent to the CCWAA and they issue our travel approval.  So, it's a lot of behind the scenes paper pushing and each step takes around 2-3 weeks with intercontinental mail and all of that.  But, YAY!!  We're so close!!  To say I'm getting excited is an understatement.  Looking up all of these steps so I didn't miss anything had me in tears a couple of times.  Tears of joy.  The words "travel approval" get me every time, but in the best way!  

In only slightly related news, the kids and I had our appointment last week to get our German visas extended.  We must have won a jackpot because we had a HELPFUL and KIND government worker!!  In US, that's hard to find, but here in Germany it's about 100 times harder!  People over here typically do the minimum their job requires and jobs don't consider friendliness and helpfulness to be important.  I really wanted to ask him how we will need to go about getting Z her German visa when the time comes, but D is still weary that if they find out, they will someone block us.  But, we got his card, so once the adoption is finalized, D can call/email and see how to go about getting a visa for our new child who is also a US citizen.  I truly believe this guy will help us out rather than pointing fingers and refusing.  So, I guess it was a blessing that the grouchy old lady who extended D's visa back on December 3rd was too grouchy to want to extend ours as well.  

LOA!

Last night I received an email from our agency that they had received our LOA from Crescent Moon!  Yay!!!  They are sending it to us, then we will finally submit our I800 and be that much closer!  If everything goes smoothly, we could be travelling as early as April to meet our new daughter!!  :-D  As excited as I am to be yet another step closer, I think I'm even more excited to finally be in the predictable stage.  I feel as if we've been climbing a mountain and we've finally reached the peak and now we just walk along the top until we get to our destination.

To be honest, this is also the part where I know much less about the process.  I always read "home study --> I-800A --> LOA --> I800 --> TA", but now that we're in it I am finding out that there's a lot more in that "I800" step.  There's that, sure.  That's the biggie.  It's where the US says Z is eligible to be adopted.  Super important!  But, as I do more reading, there are a bunch of other forms for temporary visas, medical exams, etc. etc.  There is a "NVC Cable" and an "Article 5".  As far as I can tell, those are the governments communicating with each other to be on the same page, so I won't have to do anything other than know where we are in the process of that.  Though, I could be wrong about that.  I need to read through our documents a bit more carefully.  I had a hard time reading through them 6 months ago when we got them because it was overwhelming and usually brought me to tears.  Now that we are actually here and have our LOA, I can manage it much better.

On a more personal note, our agency also informed me that the orphanage received our care package!  I was worried because my tracking number only went up to "arrived in country" and never got beyond that.  I was afraid it had gotten lost in customs.  But, I guess it was just a tracking number issue, not a shipping issue.  I'm crazy excited to know that Z now knows about us.  Our agency said that they had no way to know whether Z knew about us or not.  Sometimes they told kids early and other times not.  But they always tell kids when they receive a care package about who sent it and why.  I, of course, wonder what she thinks about all of this or whether she even understands it.  (Can anybody really understand this until it happens?)

L has still talked non-stop about travelling to get her.  I can't remember the last day that she didn't mention it at least once!  Yesterday, she "packed" her school backpack with an assortment of toys and danced around the room singing "We're going to Crescent Moon!".  I know she's really looking forward to having a sister!  We went ahead and got a bunk bed for their room and L now sleeps on top.  I was worried about her adjusting, but she did great!  The only thing she has missed is that I can not climb into bed and snuggle with her anymore, but I didn't do that often.  The next time she's sick, I might have to brave the bunk bed myself just to snuggle with her anyways.  We have Z's bed all ready for her.  Our cat LOVES her bed and sleeps just below her pillow every day.  I really hope Z isn't allergic to cats!!  The only other thing I might buy is a giant stuffed panda from Toys R Us.  They are SO soft & cuddly and only 20 Euros.  If it ever goes on sale, it will go from my mental wish list into the cart!  ;-)

It seems like we're going to become pretty paperwork busy again soon.  I'll be sure to post at each step!
-V