Impatient

Today, I am feeling rather impatient.  I was hoping to have received our corrected home study by now.  I got an email from the home study agency on the 16th saying that they would send it out within the week.  It does not typically take mail sent via standard mail that long to get here, but I would've hoped they would have expedited it.  Apparently not.  :-\

Yesterday morning as we were walking out the door to take DJ & L to Kindergarten, L tells me that she wants her "little girl from Crescent Moon" to be here already.  Completely out of the blue!!  Talk about tugging at my heartstrings!  DJ tried to tell her that she could have Z be her "invisible friend", but L didn't want her to be invisible.  She wanted her to really be here for real.  *insert sound of heart breaking*  SO DO I, L, SO DO I!!!  :*(

Last night, I dreamed that I visited her at her orphanage.  Thanks to our "friend", the Hague convention, any contact with her is forbidden at this point in the process.  (I do have a few tricks up my sleeve for the day we can initiate contact!)  At any rate, in my dream I was sneaking through some large industrial-looking kitchen not even knowing where I was or why I was sneaking.  Then, I came out into a large garden/yard where there were lots of children running around playing.  Another couple was there and one of the workers handed them a child who might have been around 18 months and the worker was telling them that they didn't believe in diapers, so if the child needed to potty, to just take the child outside and hold him over some grass and he would do his thing.  (This is not far-fetched, actually)  The parents agreed and happily took their new child and left.  I was a little jealous of how easy they made everything look!  I explained to the worker who we were and that we were working on adopting Z and that we were still too early in the process to see her, but that I was wondering how she was doing.  The worker invited me into the fence (the other couple had to stay on the other side) and told me to wait for just a minute.  I was a bit afraid of getting into some sort of trouble, so I nervously looked around for Z, but didn't see her.  I couldn't resist and played with a few of the nearby kids while I waited.  The worker came back holding Z!!  I wasn't sure what to think, but she told me I could go ahead and take her!  Z was very shy and her hair was (badly) cut short and she wasn't your typical little girl from "Crescent Moon", but to me she was the most beautiful sight!  I woke up not knowing if I actually ended up taking her with me or following the law and leaving her there until we could legally gain custody.  But, just getting to "see" her was so reassuring!  I can't wait for the day when we will actually get to meet her!!

Great quote!

I just came across a great quote that is really encouraging to me while dealing with all of our recent set-backs.

"An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it's going to launch you into something great."

I already know that we're trying to go towards "something great", but it's helpful to think of the possibility of being "launched" into it rather than slowly crawling toward it (which is what it's felt like on good days lately). I realize this is just a quote and does not necessarily reflect the reality much of the time, but since we're obviously being "pulled back" a lot lately I'll take any encouragement I can get!

Waiting, AGAIN!

I emailed Dr. A and she said it would probably be fine to send our home study as is, but D & I didn't feel very confident about that. I called USCIS and they said we needed to get a correct home study before we submit our I-800A. UGH!!! I am feeling like nothing is going right! I KNOW there's got to be a reason, but it would sure be nice to know what it is so I can stop freaking out! I emailed Dr. A back and asked how long it would take to get a corrected version and I'm waiting to hear back. I'm hoping they can expedite it since they made the mistake and they know the hurry we are in, but I'm expecting her to say 2-3 weeks again. :-\

In more positive news, I had another dream about Z last night. Oh, she was SO precious!! We were riding a bus in Crescent Moon after having picked her up and she was so sweet! She was brave and wondering around the bus despite being blind. She obviously couldn't see anything, yet she somehow magically maintained eye contact with me as much as a sighted child would who was deeply in love with me. Oh, it was wonderful!! We played blocks and I showed her how they sounded when beat against each other and against the floor and helped her to feel them. It was so magical! She went over to our local guide/translator and she helped her up to her lap. The guide asked me what her name was and I hesitated for a bit and told her a slightly wrong name that didn't sound quite right and Z made a funny face at me. Then I remembered and told her the proper name and Z smiled and said, "That's my name!!" and kind of giggled that cute little girl giggle. I know it must not sound like much of a dream, but I woke up more in love with her than I already was and I didn't think that could be possible! It's good to have some encouragement that we will still get to bring her home despite this process indicating otherwise.... *sigh*

Home Study!!

As I pulled into the driveway after picking the children up from school today, I saw the FedEx truck. I literally starting chanting, "Please be for me, please be for me, please be for me!" and my children thought I was crazy! lol! The way he was going though, he would have already visited the house. When I got to the door, I tried not to be too excited, but immediately wanted to check the mailbox in the hope that they would not have required a signature. D had beaten me home for lunch and I heard him as soon as I got in the door, "Guess what came today?!" Talk about excitement!! Though, the home study agency had told me that I needed a letter from the placing agency saying they had approved it before we could submit our I-800A, so I wasn't AS excited as I wanted to be because I knew we still had to wait for that. Still, I just HAD to open it and see the actual study for myself.... to my complete surprise, that other letter was included! The placing agency sent it to them instead of to me. SWEET!!! Now all we need is for D to add his signatures and then mail this beautiful STACK of an application to the USCIS! YAY!!!

I had already read a draft of the home study and informed them of a few errors I had found. The placing agency did the same, so I was confident that everything would be accurate and since I had already read through it once, there was no reason to do so again. Still, having it in my hands begged at least a cursory glance. While I skimmed about 3 pages, I found 3 errors. All relating to D. I'm trying to not panic. If those errors need to be corrected, that will likely set us back another 2-3 weeks and a decent amount of money for shipping it again. Though, I'm hoping that won't happen. The most frustrating thing is that 1 of the errors was one that I had pointed out after I read the draft and the other 2 were correct in the draft and somehow got changed. It isn't exactly MY fault! I am hoping and praying that they are minor enough that we can submit it as is! One of the errors is that they forgot to mention that D resided in Iowa, despite the child abuse report from Iowa and the fact that we lived together there and they mentioned it for me. I don't think that is very important, but what do I know. The other 2 mistakes are that they switched D's birth city and the city he grew up in. They are about an hour apart on a map, so not that drastic, right? The only problem I can see there is that it will not match his birth certificate, which we also have to include a copy of. :-(

I sent an email to 2 contacts at our home study agency to see whether it is ok to submit as is or whether they will have to correct these mistakes. Not only is God teaching me patience (and tolerance for other people not doing things the way I want them to) but I think He's got me in the advanced course!! *sigh*