I can, in fact, stay calm. Yay!! Glad to have "official" permission! Our agency said that June 15th is not hard and fast. We can get an extension if we need one. We are still hoping we won't need it, but it's nice to know there is a safety net there just in case. I was losing sleep over the prospect of losing our little girl or having to start all over with her country because of issues beyond our control! Now, I can rest peacefully knowing that the wheels are moving at the pace they need to be and if we don't meet the initial deadline, hope will not be lost. God must be keeping things slow for a reason.... I'm sure it has nothing to do with me learning patience. *sarcasm* ;-)
This morning, I was also excited to find an email with a draft of our home study. I needed to read it over for errors and let the home study agency know if I found any or whether I approved of it as it was. After my approval, they will then send a copy to our placing agency for their review. (Like I said before, a LOT of quality-control!) Well, that became my Priority #1 this morning, so it didn't take too long to get through it. I did find a few minor errors and emailed them back with the list. I think reading it over was more relieving than I ever would have imagined. There was a fear in the back of my mind that they were going to deny us since one of the social workers had the typical attitude of "You have 3 young children already. You live in a foreign country with your family on the other side of the world. And you want another young child? Are you sure you can handle another child, let alone a BLIND one?!" I really haven't come up with a great answer to that yet. Basically, yes, I'm crazy, I know. ;-) But, God made her to be our daughter just as much as he made L to be our daughter and DJ & N to be our sons. He was relentless about getting me to pursue her even though we were told it couldn't be done. I'm sure we're in for hard times. I can guarantee it. But, we're also in store for some wonderful blessings too!
Anyways, back to the home study.... As I was reading through it, I was extremely comforted by the very positive way our entire family was described in every paragraph. I'm sure a lot of that is just because it's procedure, but it still felt good to read it. It was very affirming. Yes, we are good parents. Yes, we will love her and raise her as one of our own. Yes, we do have 3 wonderful children. I think I am going to keep a copy of the final home study and read it on those "bad parenting" days. You know the ones. The ones where you go to bed and regret the decisions you made that your kids will surely need therapy for some day. The ones where you wonder whether you will ever figure out this whole "parenting thing" or whether your kids will end up in jail someday. Not that I have those a lot, but they do happen. Reading the home study during those moments might help me step back and look at the big picture. Yes, I do love my children and that's alright. :-)
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