Sad News :(

The lady from the Central Authority called me back today with a few more questions. Apparently, she thought we were in the military, which I thought I had explained last time we spoke, but maybe not. I said that we were civilians and that my husband worked here for an American company that had opened a branch here and that I stayed at home with my children. Her tone changed. She said that she had thought we were military, but that this makes things much more difficult. She said that if we were military, we would not be able to do anything with the Central Authority (I think she meant, we could proceed without their blessing). However, since we are not military, we would have to use a German adoption agency as we live in Germany. She said the exception to this is if we want to use a US agency to adopt a child from the US. *sigh* She seemed to truly understand our situation and was very kind and wanted to help us, so I am sure if she says that it is not possible, that it really and truly is not possible. Biggest problem is that German adoption agencies cannot work with the country we want to adopt from. Apparently, that's not enough of a reason to make an exception, though. :-( So, either I learn to be VERY patient, we move back to the states way earlier than we should, OR we adopt from a different country (which will be a VERY tough adoption as there is a massive language barrier and we will probably be stuck doing German paperwork through the agency and we will have to do US paperwork on our own - NOT fun!! And, that's assuming we can do it in 1 adoption. Might have to re-adopt when we move back to the states, I don't know how that would work.....)

This is very discouraging to me. My whole life, this is something I have looked to do in September of this year. Now, all doors are shut. And, to pour lemon juice in the wound, there is a lovely adoption tax refund that might expire at the end of this year!! Typically, I can handle set-backs and disappointments. They're part of life, after all! This time, though, I'm really confused. God has put this DEEP calling in my heart for so many years and He's been really increasing it lately, but all doors are shut. I would like to know what He's preparing me for!! Is there going to be an immigrant family who has a crisis and cannot raise their child? Is there a child in some other country, even though God has always placed this one country on my heart? Is He trying to get us to move back to the states? I feel like I have more questions than ever!! I know that God is big on patience, but this seems like a bit much to simply be a lesson in patience! I mean, it's one thing to say "hang on, wait a little longer", but it's another to fan the flames of passion inside someone's heart, then say "oh, now you have to wait several more years"! I trust God. I rely on Him. But, I hope His plan is a bit quicker than what everyone around me is saying. My greatest fear is that I will try to numb the pain by ignoring the desire I have always had to adopt or even denying it altogether. I don't want to do that!! I would rather ache for this child and try to pretend I don't want her or that she isn't wanted! I guess here's to praying.....lots and LOTS of praying!

-V