Sad News :(

The lady from the Central Authority called me back today with a few more questions. Apparently, she thought we were in the military, which I thought I had explained last time we spoke, but maybe not. I said that we were civilians and that my husband worked here for an American company that had opened a branch here and that I stayed at home with my children. Her tone changed. She said that she had thought we were military, but that this makes things much more difficult. She said that if we were military, we would not be able to do anything with the Central Authority (I think she meant, we could proceed without their blessing). However, since we are not military, we would have to use a German adoption agency as we live in Germany. She said the exception to this is if we want to use a US agency to adopt a child from the US. *sigh* She seemed to truly understand our situation and was very kind and wanted to help us, so I am sure if she says that it is not possible, that it really and truly is not possible. Biggest problem is that German adoption agencies cannot work with the country we want to adopt from. Apparently, that's not enough of a reason to make an exception, though. :-( So, either I learn to be VERY patient, we move back to the states way earlier than we should, OR we adopt from a different country (which will be a VERY tough adoption as there is a massive language barrier and we will probably be stuck doing German paperwork through the agency and we will have to do US paperwork on our own - NOT fun!! And, that's assuming we can do it in 1 adoption. Might have to re-adopt when we move back to the states, I don't know how that would work.....)

This is very discouraging to me. My whole life, this is something I have looked to do in September of this year. Now, all doors are shut. And, to pour lemon juice in the wound, there is a lovely adoption tax refund that might expire at the end of this year!! Typically, I can handle set-backs and disappointments. They're part of life, after all! This time, though, I'm really confused. God has put this DEEP calling in my heart for so many years and He's been really increasing it lately, but all doors are shut. I would like to know what He's preparing me for!! Is there going to be an immigrant family who has a crisis and cannot raise their child? Is there a child in some other country, even though God has always placed this one country on my heart? Is He trying to get us to move back to the states? I feel like I have more questions than ever!! I know that God is big on patience, but this seems like a bit much to simply be a lesson in patience! I mean, it's one thing to say "hang on, wait a little longer", but it's another to fan the flames of passion inside someone's heart, then say "oh, now you have to wait several more years"! I trust God. I rely on Him. But, I hope His plan is a bit quicker than what everyone around me is saying. My greatest fear is that I will try to numb the pain by ignoring the desire I have always had to adopt or even denying it altogether. I don't want to do that!! I would rather ache for this child and try to pretend I don't want her or that she isn't wanted! I guess here's to praying.....lots and LOTS of praying!

-V

Bureaucratic Nightmares.....

After digging deeper and deeper into government websites for both US and Germany, I think this is going to take nothing short of a miracle (and not a little miracle, but something along the lines of the Plagues of Egypt miracle!) just to be able to adopt a child now!

I had sent an email to the state department in the US to see if they had any advice or could advocate for me. The emails (I sent 1 to each of 2 addresses) both bounced back. This morning I retried 1 of them and it sent successfully! I'm expecting a response to take a while. While trying to be patient and not jump ahead of myself, I kept reading and getting more and more discouraged.

Finally, I decided that it wouldn't hurt to at least try to call the German authorities. Chances are, I thought, they won't even speak English so they'll just be a little annoyed that some person wasted a few minutes of their time, but they wouldn't know who I was. I had to try SOMETHING! (I'm not good at waiting when I feel so desperate!) I had found contact information for about 15 people/departments that all looked like they were equally likely to be the people I needed to seek permission from. I just randomly picked one. After getting transferred to the person who spoke the best English (very good, IMO), I explained my situation and asked if he could help me to get this "permission" I needed. He seemed to understand exactly what I was wanting in terms of adopting, but he said that I had called the larger "State" (aka federal) "Central Authority" and I needed to seek this from the "Central Authority" over our region. *sigh* Apparently the term "Central Authority" doesn't seem to really mean much, because Germany has over 15 of them, he said! He acknowledged how confusing and silly this was, which does help some. At least it isn't just me! Anyways, he also explained that I could try to use a German "adoption agency" which is a misleading term because they are actually more like government entities than agencies, but he was able to lead me to a long list of them along with which countries they were qualified to adopt from. My country was not on any of the lists. AHA!!! Maybe THAT is the problem!! Maybe Germany cannot give permission for this adoption because Germany does not have an agreement with the country I want to adopt from and so those children have no precedent to come here! (This is my own idea, I have no idea if that's really the reason for all the problems or not.) Anyways, he said I should call my local "Central Authority" and see what they said. So, I did.

After much holding and a few transfers, I finally got the person I needed to speak to. She understood my dilemma and at first said it was not possible. It had nothing to do with Hague, she said. She said there is a law in Germany that basically says that if someone is a citizen of 1 country and living in Germany, they are not allowed to bring a child from a 3rd country into Germany. She made it sound like any adoption from ANY country other than US or Germany would be absolutely forbidden! Which is not what I had heard. I had been told if we adopt from a non-Hague country, there are no problems at all. Anyways, I kept asking if there was any way. She went on to say that if we were to use a German adoption agency, this would be no problem, except that Germany does not have an agreement with the country I wish to adopt from. Then she speculated that maybe we could try to use a German agency and just tell the government in the country we wish to adopt from that we are Americans and maybe they would make an exception. Um, no thanks. Sounds like there isn't a chance of that working! I also mentioned that I really want to work with a US agency so that I could communicate with them in English and so they could help navigate the US paperwork and make sure the child would be a US citizen. She said MAYBE we could use a US agency, but have a German Home Study, then maybe it could work? This seemed much more likely. But, I kept pushing because I didn't want the US agency to have to decode a German home study that may not be good enough anyways. I asked if we could use the person suggested to us from our agency. I explained that he lived here in Germany and was recognized by Germany as a diplomatic social worker. She took my name and phone number as well as his name and she said that she and some colleagues would discuss my case and she would call me next week. Oh, how I hope this is a good sign!!! I really hope they will make an exception in this one instance!!!! *crosses fingers* Now to try to remember to just BREATHE!!! I have a feeling this is going to be a very long week!

-V

A Road Block....

Everything has been going smooth....until today. Yesterday, I emailed the person the agency suggested for our home study. He lives here in Germany and apparently, they have worked together in the past, so he knows what their specific requirements are. I was asking how long the process took, how much he charged, and what documents should I start digging up to make the process easier and smoother (and quicker!). He replied with this:

I would be more than happy to assist you in getting your home study done, there are a couple of issues that have to be addressed before we can move forward. First, and foremost is that you (and Agency) are going to have to work with the German Central Authority (CA) to get permission from them for me to do your home study. This would be the case with anyone outside of the German system that would do the home study. I have yet to hear of anyone receiving this from the German CA. This is not to be pessimistic but rather the reality up to now. I have received permission from other Hague Countries (Italy,Armenia, Moldova, Ireland, etc.) to do a home study for a US citizen residing in that country. Since Country is a Hague Country and Germany is a Hague country then the rule is that the home study provider has to have permission from the host country to do a home study.

This is the reason no other agency would even try to help us. The Hague trifecta!! I still don't understand how this is so difficult. I would think it would be easier! Germany should just say "Hague adopting from Hague, so it's going to meet our standards. Ok, proceed!" But, Germany is just so strict and so complicated! I cannot explain how frustrating this is! I will spare you the political rant going through my head, but man is this discouraging! I forwarded the email to the agency in the hopes that they will know how to get around this problem, or at least can convince the German government to let us proceed with the adoption. Heck, I would even use a German to do the home study if I could find one! The Germans supposedly adopt too, but it's about impossible to find any help online about it! Just a few articles, but no agencies or anyone to actually help facilitate the process! So, here's to hoping the Agency can find a solution for us. Will keep you posted.....

-V

Great News!!

As I mentioned previously, there was finally an agency who was able to help expats. I emailed them with a rather long message trying to get on the same page with them. They never returned it. I am patient and I understand there's a massive time difference, so I give an extra day for that, but I want an agency that I can depend on to answer my questions in a timely manner, even if they are silly or redundant. If I'm going to be paying them good money, the least they can do is answer an email! So, I had about given up hope. The one agency that could help, wasn't a good agency. I also searched for ratings and read a horror story about their program. Well, not so much about the program itself, but about the guide in country. Kind of an important part though! So, I was nearly back to having to wait until we moved back stateside, which did NOT sit well with me, but I realized I wasn't in control and let go of the worry.

The next morning, (I LOVE God's timing!) I got an email from another agency that I sent my last SOS email out to. (The "please help, we're expats and I want to adopt anyways" email that I sent to SO many agencies!) They can help us!!! And, it gets better! They can help us start the process a full 6 MONTHS before we're technically eligible!!! I cannot tell you how overjoyed I am! I am a little teacup and God poured a lake at me! I have always wanted an agency who would work with me to get everything prepared BEFORE I'm eligible, so on my birthday, the paperwork can be delivered and we can be on our journey, rather than waiting another few months for paperwork and documents that could have been done. I almost never found this agency. It was only while looking at waiting children listings that I found them. (Yet another Godsend!) I'm so beyond excited!!! :-D Thank you, God!!

-V

The least of these....

I have accepted that I will probably not adopt through the "healthy" children program. I am ok with that. The list of "special needs" is so vast that I could still get a child fairly easily who had a very minor need (like a birthmark!) and I would never have to worry about surgeries or long-term health care or whether we could afford the time or money involved. This is easy to agree to! The wait for a minor need like that is a bit longer than a more severe need, but still nothing compared to the wait for a "healthy" infant. Also, not a difficult decision to make.

Enter God.

Sunday. I don't even remember where I was or what I was doing when God told me this, but He told me clear as day. "Truly I tell you, whatever you do for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you do for me." One of the "lease of these". Yeah, I'm thinking that the "easy" special needs kids probably don't fall into this category. So, I go and take another peek at the waiting child list on a non-agency specific site. I could see myself bringing any of them home. My heart has been absolutely broken for these children!

I didn't tell D, though. I figured I had thrown enough crazy and stress and emotion his way over the whole "no agency will help us and I'm going to cry" part. Besides, how could I help "the least of these" without an agency to support me? I had time. Last night (Monday), he says "Speaking of adopting. Are you absolutely sure we aren't supposed to adopt a kid with some more significant needs?" BAM! There it is! So, I told him all about what God had told me the day before and I cried and told him about some of the kids on the list and cried some more. So, there it is. God is calling us to care for one of "the least of these".....or maybe more than one. ;-)

-V

Meet the cast!

Here we are. A family of 5, living as expats in Germany. There's my husband D, my first son DJ (now 4 1/2), my daughter L (3), and my baby N (1). And, just in case that's not enough, we also have a beagle and a cat. Life's pretty hectic, but it's also FULL of blessings! And, let's face it, I love chaos. If things ever get too calm, I can't handle it! I don't do drama, but I like busy. (I also love to clean, so yeah, I'm a little weird. I'm ok with that. I think I get it from my mom!)

We moved here almost a year ago now, so we're pretty settled in and have the hang of the German lifestyle, basically. However, there is one MAJOR thing that threw a huge kink into my enjoyment of this foreign lifestyle....Adoption. I have always wanted to adopt a child when we got a little older! And, here we are. According to MY timeline, this is the time when I was supposed to do final research (to verify nothing has changed despite my many years of research) and finally select an agency! This is the part of the roller coaster ride where I finally start that slow ascent up and the anticipation builds and builds until that magic day when I can finally submit my formal application and be on my way to holding my adopted child, the one I've always dreamed of and have loved, even before my own natural children were born. But, alas, just as my fairytale was altered by having 3 natural children very close together (NOT the plan according to me), it's also being altered now. Turns out, adopting while abroad is a pretty complicated thing!

I have sent inquirys to every agency I can find, even the little itty bitty ones. Most of them regret to inform me that they only service those living in the US. Some give good reasons, others just act like they don't want the hassle. Some just pretend they never got an inquiry at all. I have managed to find a group that specializes in helping expats adopt! They are Hague-accredited and willing to do our home study, however, they don't have programs in the country I have dreamt of or even programs in countries I would be willing to adopt from instead. Despite the fact that I can get a home study done locally, US based agencies just don't seem equipped to handle this challenge. I even contacted a lawyer who's website bills her as a specialist in helping expats adopt and says she will go above and beyond to make it happen. Even she told me that it's just not possible. Not one to give up easily, I kept searching and searching. D kept telling me to just be patient, to wait until we move back to the states since that's what EVERYONE said I had to do. He likes to listen to reason and common sense. Me, not so much. At least not when it directly contradicts something I long so much for! The good news: I FINALLY found an agency that is willing to help us! I'm currently in the process of seeking more information from their agency and explaining to them exactly where I'm at so we can be on the same page in the hopes that once I apply, things will go much smoother and (hopefully) quicker! I am praying this is the agency that can make my dreams a reality! Stay tuned!

-V